Updated: Feb 9, 2020
I never thought it was possible. Similar to marrying travel and booze, I did the same with Mariachi and booze. I coupled alcohol with everything. I did eventually become incapable of having any experience without a drink.
Towards the last five years of my drinking, I discovered mezcal. I loved being drunk on mezcal and listening to mariachi. I transcended into a world created by poet Jose Alfredo Jimenez, in which every lyric required a new emotion, and every emotion required a shot of mezcal, which is how I lived my life. A new emotion equaled a drink, and I have a lot of emotions.
I saw Mariachi Sol de Mexico performed the annual A Merry-achi Christmas, at the San Francisco Symphony, over the weekend. It’s the first time I listened to live mariachi without drinking, and boy was it insightful.
Mariachi is a representation of my brand, unhinge raw emotion on stage. No wonder I love it so much.
I’ve recently discovered my fascination for the French culture, which coincidentally coincided with reaching my bottom. I was in Orléans, France, on October 20, 2018, when the thought “I am going to die if I continue drinking,” came to me for the first time.
In AA, there is a concept of a “high power moment/s.” (I quote a lot of AA. The Oakland AA community is the bomb, and I have learned so much, but have yet to apply my learnings, which is why I started this blog), which basically means that God (by God, I mean a God of my understanding) “did for me what I could not do for myself.”
That moment in Orléans, France, was my first introduction to a “God Moment.” Up until then, I had refused to acknowledge that I had a drinking problem; nevertheless, believed that I was going to die if I did not manage my consumption of alcoholic by quitting.
Anyway… back to the Mariachi without mezcal and how this ties into the French culture and the God moments. There are many things I love about my culture, but when I see and hear it with a sober mind, I’ve realized that I’ve adapted feelings and behaviors that do not belong to me. Drinking helped me cope with this misalignment.
Mariachi is still one of my favorite jandras. It evokes passion, and I like that. Pouring mezcal over it erupted my passion into streams of lava eroding my grace away. I want to walk through life with less emotion and more grace. I can still love Mariachi and adore everything the sound present, but I am going to trade in the mezcal for a French 75 mocktail.