When I first realized that I needed to sober up if I did not want to die or end up in a mental institution, I resigned to boredom. I did not think I would have the option to live a thrilling life if I choose sobriety. Hence why it took an OD to accept abstinence - aka boredom. I thought that staying alive would be best for my family. I was willing to sacrifice living without fun if it meant I would spare my folks and wife the pain of planning and attending my burial. How thoughtful of me!
It turns that I was wrong. I have never been as intellectually and emotionally curious; as I am now that I am sober. What has vanished is the constant wheel of drama by life had become.
It has been an adjustment to learn how to live without the never-ending thrill of drama. No one at work is oppressing me; I do not hate all the privileged white males at work, and I am not annoyed by people’s stupidity.
My friends aren’t demanding too much of my time. My parents are not causing me to lose my shit. And since I did such a great job at wrecking my marriage, I live alone, and there is no one to fight with or be annoyed by when I come home.
This lack of drama has confused me into believing that I am bored, sad, or depressed. I have consistency and routine in my life, which I have not had in over a decade. The security of creating good habits has been comforting. I am building a foundation for living a creative life. If I want to follow a life of intuition, I need to create stability and security to trust my intuition.
At work, I ask myself, “how can I add the most value so that I can leave the office at the end of the day, feeling accomplished.” I have realized that getting the job done, whatever the job or task might be, is much easier if I am kind, collaborative, and patient. I have to reframe my thinking as “ how can I be of service to others and add value.” This frame of mindset has provided the space I need to do the things I love, writing, exercising, spending time with my folks, traveling, reading, learning, etc.…
I can also find euphoria in art, nature, hot springs, and in life itself. The natural high of life is intense, and I do not need to enhance it with alcohol and weed. I have a deep desire to live in love and gratitude, and my addiction to alcohol and anxiety prevented me from realizing this desire.
Sobriety is a lot of things, but one thing it is not is boring.